What to Say When a Gathering Feels Awkward

“I want to go, but I have no idea what I’ll say.”

Maybe you know two people at the party. Maybe you work with everyone but rarely talk beyond deadlines. You’d like to join in, and the hardest part is picturing what happens after hello.

Give yourself a small goal: one manageable conversation. A few phrases can help you start, find something to talk about, and leave when you’re ready. Choose the ones that sound like you.

When you haven’t met

Start with something you share: the host, the setting, or the reason you’re there.

• “Hi, I’m Alex. How do you know the host?”
• “I work with the service team. Which team are you with?”
• “Have you been to one of these before?”

Offer a little context about yourself so the other person has something to respond to. “It’s my first time here” or “I’ve worked with Sam for about a year” gives them an easy next step.

Questions about the event, food, hobbies, or local places leave room for a light answer. Let the other person choose whether to bring up family, health, or other personal subjects.

When you already know each other

Use a detail they previously shared: “Did you ever try that bread recipe?” or “How did the community theater show go?” Pick something they seemed happy to discuss.

If nothing comes to mind, try “What have you been enjoying lately?” A more focused version can be easier to answer: “Have you watched anything good lately?”

You can also start by sharing: “I finally tried that new lunch place. Have you been?” This gives the conversation a subject without requiring a personal update.

When you need a follow-up

Listen for one detail, ask about it, then share a little yourself. You don’t need to invent a new topic after every answer.

Research on getting-acquainted conversations found that people who asked more questions, particularly follow-up questions, were better liked by their conversation partners. A follow-up can be as simple as “How did you get into that?”

You: “What have you been enjoying lately?”

Them: “I’ve been learning to bake bread.”

You: “What got you started?”

Them: “My sister gave me a sourdough starter.”

You: “That’s a good gift. I’ve only made pizza dough. What’s been your favorite thing to make?”

There’s room for both people here. Sharing a little gives them something to ask about, too. If they ask you a question, answer with a detail beyond “yes,” “no,” or “fine.”

When a conversation is already underway

Look for a group discussing something openly and wait for a pause. “Mind if I join you? I’m Alex” is enough. Listen for a moment before adding your own story.

If the topic is clear, try “I heard you mention local trails. Do you have a favorite nearby?” If you’ve missed the context, “What were you talking about?” works, too.

Give people space if they seem to be having a private exchange. There will be another opening elsewhere.

When the answer is short or your mind goes blank

A short answer gives you limited information. The person could be distracted, tired, or simply quiet. Try one gentle follow-up or offer something about yourself. If the exchange stays brief, you can close it kindly.

You: “Have you been to one of these before?”

Them: “No, first time.”

You: “Same here. I work with Maya in accounting.”

Them: “Oh, nice.”

You: “Nice meeting you. I’m going to get some food. Enjoy the evening.”

That can be the whole conversation. You introduced yourself and were friendly.

If someone asks you a question and your mind goes blank, take a moment: “Let me think about that for a second.” If you lose your thought, “I just lost what I was going to say” is a perfectly usable sentence.

Try to leave room for a pause, too. You can take a sip, look at the menu, or let the other person speak next.

When you’re ready to leave

Use a brief, truthful closing:

• “It was nice talking with you. I’m going to say hello to a few other people.”
• “I’m going to get some food. Enjoy the evening.”
• “I’m heading home. I’m glad we got to catch up.”

Afterward, allow for the possibility that it went better than it felt. In a study of conversations between new acquaintances, people tended to underestimate how much the other person liked them and enjoyed their company.

Pick three phrases before you go

Choose an opening, a follow-up, and an exit. Your set could be:

• Opening: “How do you know the host?”
• Follow-up: “How did you get into that?”
• Exit: “It was nice talking with you. I’m going to get some food.”

Keep them in a phone note if that helps. You can use BHT’s Social Gathering Toolkit to plan your time, breaks, and support, then bring these phrases along for the conversations in between.